I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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