You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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