The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
