Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
