why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
