Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
