You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
