Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
