The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
