i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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