Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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