I think im going to throw up on grandma
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
