mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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