Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
