Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
