I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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