I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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