K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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