I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There's always time for handjobs
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Enjoy the penises
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
