Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
