New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
worst night to have a conscience
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
