If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
