First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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