he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
