Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
