just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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