girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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