New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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