You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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