Got a toothbrush?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
