THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
