So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
