We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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