Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
