Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
