he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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