She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
