i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i may or may not be watching the land before time
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
