Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
