Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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