Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
