those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
