Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
