Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Houston, we have a squirter
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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