Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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