I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
