I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
