I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
