I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
