I think I won the penis lottery.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
