when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
